Muslim worshipers are apparently very upset about new security measures which include “x-ray vision” capabilities that would allow Israeli security personnel to see through the clothes of Arab women, seeing them virtually naked. This concern has been reported by JTA and the Times of Israel (sorry, I don’t link to them but you can find the article there).
I quickly called Sabba Koplinksy, the neighborhood crossing guard to ask him if it was true. He didn’t know anything about it. In fact, he said adamantly, “oh my God, the LAST thing we want to see is their naked women!” But I asked him to check. Sabba Kop, as he is affectionately called here, is my go-to-man for all things related to international espionage and he agreed.
It turns out, the police denied the x-ray vision and spoke to assure Arab men that their wives’ nakedness was safe, were not being honest. It is TOTALLY true. We DO have x-ray vision via a new device called the STE Revision Neutralizer (called STERN for short) and we can now see not only through clothing but through buildings.
You might ask, if we have this advanced and proprietary STERN device, why we needed to put up the metal detectors in the first place. I asked Sabba Kop that question. It turns out, we put the metal detectors up because we knew that we had to do something or the Arabs would find out about our…um…secret…very secret….STERN gizmo, which sees through EVERYTHING – even…even lead. See, it’s better than Kryptonian vision, which everyone knows can only be weakened through the use of Kryptonite.
Given what Sabba Kop told me, I feel it is my obligation to tell Muslims that they are totally right in not going up to Har HaBayit. I’m not even sure they should be taking the Jerusalem Light Rail – because apparently, they have also mounted these devices on the trains. I asked Sabba Kop to get me a list of where they are, because I believe it is our obligation to inform others about this.
So, here’s a list of places you should not go if you want to avoid the police using the STERN devices to see you or your women naked (just a note, apparently it doesn’t work on children under the age of 10, or men over the age of 75):
- Rami Levi stores on Thursday afternoons from around 2:00 p.m. until Friday afternoons around 5:00 p.m. Especially the one in Mishor Adumim, but sometimes also at the Maayan 2000 stores in Maale Adumim and the center of Jerusalem. Stay away! Save your lives….
- Also, Road 1 in Jerusalem – totally lined from Ammunition Hill to the Old City. Stay away with your cars every morning from around 7:30 a.m. to 9:30 a.m. and again in the evening around rush…I mean during the dangerous hours of 4:00 p.m. to 7:00 p.m
- Next week on Monday morning, police will be using the STERN device on Route 443 and on Wednesday evening coming from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem, the main highway (Route 1).
Also, a warning, apparently the Jordanian parliament had a debate about purchasing the STERN device. Footage of today’s fight was not available, but apparently about 4 years ago, the Jordanians also debated purchasing this secret technology and there was a fight at that time as well. Here’s footage of that fight.
Below this video is information about the STERN device…and the secret is revealed as well.
As I mentioned above, the powerful STERN device is created by a special coating placed on the sunglasses of all Israel security forces. Once treated, the glasses become unbreakable and provide x-ray vision. Once treated, the glasses are hooked up by WIFI to transmit what is seen to a police cloud and broadcast live. Here’s how it is made: