In light of the recent #MeToo campaign, I want to say something important about men, women, and abuse.
Gender* has nothing to do with abuse.
There are female victims – and there are female perps.
There are male victims – and there are male perps.
*(as in, the 23rd set of chromosomes. also known as a person’s biological sex)
There are those who try to turn abuse into a gender issue, to use it for their own agenda.
Half of all abusers are men. The other half are women.
Yes, men abuse children. Women abuse more children.
Yes, men sexually abuse children more often than women. But a high enough percentage of sexual abusers are women, that we cannot afford to keep thinking of this as a men’s crime.
Yes, some men abuse their wives. An equal number of wives abuse their husbands. Yes, even intimately.
My point, every time I point out that women are equally abusive and men are equal victims, is this:
Men and women are abusive at equal rates. Therefore, this is not a gender-related issue. Cut the gender crap and start punishing ALL perps and supporting ALL victims.
Because if you believe in “women’s and children’s rights” then you should remember that half of all children today are boys who will grow to be men – and there is no reason why innocent children should suffer tomorrow (Walla! posted an article titled “11 year old hits his 35 year old female partner”) because of your stubbornness to admit the truth today.
So on the topic of abuse, let’s talk about abuse among children – also known as bullying. Israel has awful bullying policies.
Norway has an excellent bullying policy, which goes something like this: There are class mediators, who are trained ahead of time to mediate fights. When there is a fight, they come to help resolve it. If they do not manage, it goes to the staff. When a child bullies, the child gets warned, the victim receives support, and if the bullying continues, the BULLY is removed from school. When this policy was implemented, bullying plummeted by about 50%. (This is from a developmental psych textbook. Not from the news. But I’m sure you can look it up.)
Stop tolerating preschools and schools who do not appropriately deal with student violence. Students who are violent should be punished, the victims should receive support, the student body should learn to identify and deal with bullying…..and bullies who do not stop should be EXPELLED. If they know they have what to lose, they WILL NOT do it. Suspension is an embarrassment. Expulsion e more so. Bullies bully because it gives them strength and power with no direct consequences to themselves. Teach them that there are serious and quick consequences. They will stop bullying.
Stop claiming that hitting and biting are “phases.” Stop claiming that nasty little girls are “a bit snobby but cute.” Stop claiming that boys who hit are just “boys.”
Stop praising your daughter when she is bossy and manipulative by calling her a “strong leader.” That’s not leadership. It’s being bossy and manipulative. Stop supporting your son when he says that immodestly dressed women stop him from learning Torah. Tell him that if he had his nose in his books, he would not notice the women.
Stop tolerating preschools and schools who do not appropriately deal with student violence. Students who are violent should be punished, the victims should receive support, the student body should learn to identify and deal with bullying…..and bullies who do not stop should be EXPELLED. If they know they have what to lose, they WILL NOT do it. Suspension is an embarrassment. Expulsion even more so. Bullies bully because it gives them strength and power with no direct consequences to themselves. Teach them that there are serious and quick consequences. They will stop bullying.
Oh, and “little mean girls” are bullies. They just bully via emotional and verbal abuse instead of via physical abuse. By calling them “little mean girls” you perpetuate the myth that bullying and abuse are physical, and that bullies are male. If your daughter is suffering from “little mean girls” she is suffering from girl bullies’ abuse.
When you stop the bullying among children, and stop perpetuating the “abuse is a male thing” myth – then maybe tomorrow will be better than today.
And you MUST work towards eliminating the myth that perps are men and victims are women – because many of you have sons, and boys are about half of today’s children.
Can you really stomach the idea that your sons, nephews, male students, male cousins – will be legally disadvantaged, and receive no support if they are victims – just because they are boys?
Fight the feminist-perpetrated myth that abusers are male and victims are female.
Fight for the sake of today’s boys, who will be men in a short 5-18 years.
And if you agree with this post – copy and paste it to your timeline. Let’s get this message out. For the sake of our sons. And note that the writer is a woman, because we cannot afford to have this brushed off as “part of the men’s agenda.” I care nothing for the men’s agenda. I care about the future of our children.