Fear is a terrible thing. It’s not something you can control and it’s often something that you can’t reason away. Many in Israel feel angry today. I can understand that. I’m angry too. But what I also am is realistic. We are probably heading for yet another war. And that thought is what terrifies me.
To be honest, any other country in the world would say we are already at war. What country allows itself to have an enemy send bombs into their fields and ignite dozens of fires destroying thousands and thousands of fields without doing anything to stop them?
We can stop missiles and bombs but we can’t stop kites and balloons? What insanity is this? And, if we really can’t stop these things once their are airborne, I don’t understand why I keep reading about the IDF sending “warning” shots at the kite flyers. What are we warning them against? Against doing what we know they are going to do?
And my greatest fear really isn’t about the fields, though I am very angry and saddened by them. My greatest fear is that once again this summer, in the next few days, if not already, that we won’t be asking ourselves if we are headed into war, but will instead be arguing about what day this war began. Did it begin over 100 days ago when the Arabs realized that what they can’t accomplish with missiles, they can accomplish with exploding kites?
Or, did it begin yesterday with about rockets fired at our southern residents? Perhaps it began three weeks ago when they fired 48 rockets? Or another day when they fired at least 75? And what will we call this stupid war that is being started for yet more stupid reasons?
Why? Why are we subjecting our children to this again? Why will they lose another summer of their lives hiding in bomb shelters? There, now I’m getting angry. I prefer the anger to the fear. Because the fear is crippling.
I have one son in the army; another going in within the next few months. How do I know show them my fear? Will the army send my older son to the front? I don’t think his unit will go, but certainly he has friends in units that are already close.
Last night, I was angry when I first learned about how many rockets were launched at Israel. I know that the army is not afraid and ultimately, they will do what they have always done. They’ll find a way to stop the latest threat against us. And I know the Prime Minister of Israel is not afraid. I trust Bibi. He’s angry. I can hear it in his words.
Quietly to myself, I’ll admit that I’m jealous of their anger. For me, as a mother, all I can do is pray that our children come through this summer safely…and live beyond all the years of their lives knowing that fear has to be contained. That’s my job today and for the next few days. To contain because right now, after so many weeks of terror and fires and now hours and hours of sirens, all I can think of is enough.
Dear God, enough.